Cancer…the ultimate reality check

Who ever thinks they’re going to get cancer…really?  I do have family experience with the big “C”, but how many times can lightning strike in one place?  Apparently, as many times as it wants!  Both my parents had horrible cancers at an early age.  One survived for 26 years, one lived only 3 months. It has always made perfect genetic sense to me that I might follow in their footsteps.  Still…any way you look at it, it makes no sense at all, why should it?  Other people get cancer, not me, right? When I was in the hospital a few weeks ago with Pancreatitis for the second time in 7 months, I began to wonder what was going on.  Since October they have been telling me the pancreatitis was “idiopathic” meaning there was no apparent cause.  The Saturday morning before Mother’s Day, a Dr. came in to give me the results from my latest CAT scan.  When he sat on the edge of my bed, I thought “This can’t be good”.  I’d only met him once before, so for him to use his very best bedside manner on a virtual stranger did not bode well.  I really only remember one word he said to me with his warm sympathetic expression: “…found a MASS on your pancreas…”.  HUH??? So much for “idiopathic”.  It wasn’t all bad news though. He promised I could have popsicles for Mother’s Day. I had been NPO (nothing by mouth) up to that point.  Yipee for me!  Who cares about cancer, I get to eat soup and pudding!  Mother’s Day was actually a very good day.  Lots of phone calls and family visits.  Of course, we all immediately started hoping that the mass was a cyst or something benign. Isn’t denial great? In the next 3 days, the biopsy showed a malignancy, and the endoscopic ultra sound showed a tumor about the size of an egg in the head and neck of my pancreas. I had no idea that my pancreas had that many body parts! We waited to get the full results until we could gather together as a family.  Reid and I, Kate, John and Rachael were there in person.  Scott was out of town for work and Andrew lives in California, so we had them each on speaker phone.  When Dr. Dickenson shared the news of the cancer, there were many tears shed.  It’s not the kind of news you ever expect to hear.  Pushing past the fear, I had an overwhelming feeling of understanding and love.  It was a very spiritual experience.  The amazing Dr. Dickenson told us our family would receive many blessings from this, and I believed him.  We have already seen an outpouring of tender mercies and miracles that sustain us daily.  We have felt the love of our Savior with us each step of the way.  I know God will continue to guide me and my loved ones through this scary new adventure.   At the end of the day, denial isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  I prefer information and more importantly, faith. Faith is an incredible, tangible thing. I know that whatever happens is the Lord’s will. I also know that what my Mother always taught me is true: “It never hurts to ask”. So, I am asking to be healed. I truly believe that our Heavenly Father wants to bless us and will do so if at all possible.  I don’t know how many prayers have been offered in my behalf, but I know they are countless.  I am so humbled and grateful for each one of them. I have received so many loving expressions of kindness and hope. They mean more than I can say. Thank you and bless you all.